52/54: From The Perspective of a Tweenager, Directive: Evil

My mom is the meanest person ever. Like, she is completely evil. Today she handed me a big orange bottle of laundry soap and told me I need to start washing my own clothes. That I’ll need to know how when I go to college. That’s like forever away! I’m in 8th grade, lady!

Ugh, how do I even put this in the washer. Wait, is this crap blue? That’s kind of awesome. I could totally throw some of this at Cody and he would squirm. Ew, it feels all weird too. I bet doing my laundry won’t be so bad.

(Even through hate, Tide can make you happy.)

49/54: A Conspiracy, Directive: Evil

There’s a conspiracy that exists right underneath your nose: Gain and stains.

Now that you hear it, it sounds so clear and easy to associate. Gain works with the stains and doesn’t clean them in order to make you use more of it. In other words: Gain is in cahoots with your dirty clothes.

Stop letting this conspiracy continue and use some Tide.