This morning I decided to apply physical Tide to making decisions, a part of what “cognitive” means. Instead of doing my morning routine well, routinely, I instead flipped a tide pod for what do to do.
Heads is pictured on the left, with tails on the right.
Most Greaterest Tide Pod, oh what flavor of coffee should I drink this morning?
House Blend (heads) or Ultra Dark (tails)?
Heads! House Blend!
Oh great Tide Pod of Destiny, what should eat for breakfast?
Raisin Bran (heads) or Mini-Wheats (tails)?
Heads! Raisin Bran it is.
My father, my Pod, how should I be able to see today?
Contacts (heads) or glasses (tails)?
Heads! Wearing my contacts today!
Tide Pod Sansei, what color shoes should I wear today?
Red Vans (heads) or Blue Vans (tails)?
Heads! Red shoes for today!
After those four questions I flipped the pod over about 20 times: It seems like it lands on heads a wide majority of the time. I probably should of tested that beforehand…
(The brain is from here, and the stain is from here)
I thought about cognitive and cognition and how I thought the best. I thought the best when I have peace of mind. Part of that peace of mind is having clean clothes put away in their place. Stains make it dirty and haunt you. How do you clear your mind? Through Tide, of course! Below is a brainstorm with arrows I did in a room in the library to find this idea.
I’ve been faced with a problem recently: My head’s been quite cloudy. When faced with “cognitive”, well, I couldn’t help but think the things Tide promises for clothes would be useful.
A mind as clean as my clothes. I could only dream.
At first I thought of a miracle pill or liquid as a brand extension.
But then I realized it was more of a dues ex machina then I expected: It would be tide fixing all the problems. Since I wasn’t prepared to give up on my little orange and blue pill I decided to make it a little more flawed.
You can overdose on this Proctor and Gamble masterpiece. It’s sort of bad to take more than just the one every once in a while, too. Sort of like certain painkillers: If you use them all the time there’s a deep problem and you should see a doctor.
If I could just pop one of these bad boys on a Monday afternoon like today, and for once be able to think clearly, I could have enough productivity for the whole week!
So positives: Clear head and an increase in productivity. Negatives: Take too many and you’ll have what competitive eaters call a “reversal of fortune”